"WHAT" IS WRONG WITH ME?

Blog Author: E. Ken Harmon

Frequently, we are overly eager to understand the reasons behind something (WHY) before grasping the actual thing itself (WHAT).

This question consumed my every thought. I had been stressed and depressed in the past, but this was different. I simply could not shake it. I was battling suicidal ideation and the only answer that made sense is, "I am going insane."

DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR "WHAT?"

Often, we are keen to uncover the reasons for something (WHY) before fully understanding the thing itself (WHAT). Imagine this situation: you plan to make a birthday cake but find out you don't have any vanilla. You ask your child to get some from the store, but they are confused and ask, "What is vanilla?" While they understand WHY you need vanilla, they are unaware of WHAT vanilla actually is. Similarly, a crucial part of the healing journey is identifying and understanding our WHAT.

ARE YOU TRAINING TO BATTLE YOUR "WHAT?"

Ephesians 4:11-14 states that God appoints apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers with the specific purpose of preparing his people (I would include pastoral counselors, but that's beside the point). One understanding of the term prepare is “to provide or get ready,” where provide implies "giving something necessary to achieve a particular goal." Ephesians stresses that being prepared is crucial to maturation. So, what is the goal of maturation? Ephesians clarifies this by stating, "[W]e will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there…." Growth and maturation brings stability, and the process of growing healthy begins when you understand your WHAT.

A key synonym for prepare is used throughout the scriptures. It is the word Train. 2 Samuel 22:35 shares, "He [God] trains my hands for battle." WHAT is your battlle! This is not a question, but a declaration. WHAT is your battle! Are you accepting WHAT or equipping yourself to battle it?

How can you possibly conquer/master your WHAT if you don't know anything about your WHAT? Acquiring knowledge and understanding about whatever you are struggling with is essential for your care and recovery. If you're facing ______________ (fill in the blank), dedicate time to educate (equip and train) yourself about _________________.

HOW TO GET STARTED DEFEATING YOUR "WHAT."

Today, we have all kinds of ways to get equipped. Your counselor, coach, or spritual director can get you started. However, if money is a problem, explore books, YouTube, etc. to start to understand your own woundedness. For example, If obesity is your "WHAT," spend time understanding what obesity is and WHAT it does to your health. Spend time with a Nutritionist to further understand WHAT are some steps you can take to eat healthier. Ask your pastor/pastoral counselor WHAT does the Bible say about taking care of your health/body. YES this can be done while you are spending time with a clician to better understand WHY.

CONCLUSION

Physically, I knew my lungs were compromised as I had rare lung disease, Mentally, I couldn't focus. I closed my church, was suicidal, wanted a divorce, couldn't keep a job, etc. Although my doctors diagnosed the condition with my lungs, they never saw the correlation with my brain so they sent me to a psychiatrist who, of course, prescribed medication to fix my brain. It wasn't working. I was still dropping fast. My pulmonologist focused on my lungs and my psychiatrist focused on my cognition. I decided to understand my "WHAT" for myself. I eventually researched, "What does a lack of oxygen do to the brain?" I discoverd that, although the brain only weighs about six pounds, it uses 20-30% of the body's oxygen [1]. So I discovered, limited oxygen, limited brain funtionality. WHAT I began to understand as I got deeper into my research, I wasn't actually crazy. I was injured.